Gosh, what have I been thinking about lately ? Pride in becoming a grandfather at the meek age of 45 ? Worrying about finishing my University assignments before 28 August and emailing them ? Getting a new gig at a Kindergarten real soon ? (Hate teaching until 9 pm).

What else ? Oh, yeah, Mrs Jamieson organising a sheepish guy to come and re-gas the master bedroom aircon. A blown light bulb in the master bedroom. A charger for the Ni-Cd batteries that run my MP3 player does not work. F. Or the batteries were f***ed when I bought them.

Buying AAA batteries for the player is a joke. They are all dead before I buy them.

Ah, shut up ! You promised good things, not whining !

I struggle to think of good things that have happened to me this past week.

Ah, I got it ! Hail a Taxi, get in, announce my destination and get a 100% compliance. Guess my Chinese is improving [4 years, 6 months and 2 days ought to shake some logical stuff out of my mouth :-) ]

We take from China, but we should also give.

Get home, open up an ice-cold beer, sit in the highly air-conditioned study (bugger global warming, it is the warming of Jamieson that is unacceptable, sweat like a pig, wet shirt thanks -  even when teaching at the spider) and then play on the Internet with a lovely kiss from time to time from Mrs. Jamieson.

Yeah, I am selfish at times, insular, arrogant. However....

Isn't it better to be at a nearby call centre helping expats who are at their wit's end ? Newbies. Ones who don't know shit from clay here in Suzhou, fresh off the plane - the overwhelming sentiment from them is : now what ? Just 2 x 2 hours a week. That won't kill me. 

It is balance, balance between my responsibilities as a husband and my *altruistic motive* responsibilities as a member of the 'Foreign' community in Suzhou. Balance is good, the 'Yin-Yang' thing.

Volunteer work might help unravel my anger issues. Soothe me. Do some good. Why so angry ? Dunno. I really have not thought why I am so angry. However, as I said, my anger is masked, suppressed. Am I angry at myself ? Am I angry at Suzhou ? Am I angry at China ?

Is it boredom ? Lack of hobbies ? Why I am I such a sullen bastard ?

I worked in the Royal Australian Air Force Psychology Directorate and regularly counselled members with mild depression and anger issues. Those who were obviously struggling were immediately referred to Medical.

Now I face the some of the same issues as previous clients, the stress of changing from a free-ish culture to a semi-regimented lifestyle. Air Force Military life is not for the faint-hearted. Self-diagnosis ?

What is the cause of this free-floating anger ?

Is it the stress of stepping out of the shelter of one's own apartment into Greater China, and having to change gears. Or is it a resistance of failure to function effectively in a culture when "They just don't do things like we do back home"....

I am so spoiled with my apparently luxury lifestyle here in Suzhou, yet I still rail at what I perceive to be infringements on my rights.  These infringements are a daily serve of events. (Whining, again). STOP WHINING.

I have been here FOR YEARS, I figure I now know some of the ropes, put my arse in a sling and thumbs up, raise it ! I can smell a football field full of rats.

Speaking of rights, you can forget the idea of personal rights here. Leave 'em at home. Here, just do not cause too much of a ruckus and you will be left alone. It is NOT a Junta.

However, Canada Kevin raised a ruckus with our Apartment Management  Authority by threatening to have an angry meeting of the Whiteys, Singaporeans and Taiwanese over the lack of security cameras, after having his electric bike nearly stolen.

My - didn't that achieve immediate results ? SHIT YEAH. Now we have a camera in my bathroom. Infra-red illumination, too. I saw their monitors, you know 4 sub-screens on the monitor in the guard hut.

Getting back to the whining about foreigners in Suzhou....

I wonder how many 'foreigners' in Suzhou have the honesty to confess their feelings, like this.

Alienation ? Having an Alien Employment Certificate ?

Do I have 2 heads, tentacles and operate an inter-galactic spacecraft by mind control?

Bad translation there mate, perhaps "Overseas Professional Guest - Employment Certificate" might be more appropriate.

Be as it may, Foreigners face enormous adjustment issues when they arrive here. Learning curve is near vertical for years. Some might say 'fuck em', "they can learn the hard way like you and us did".

However, I have personally met 2 ladies, Italian, Mongolian. I was happy to help. Why is it that women open up so rapidly ? Sure, bursting into tears is pure frustration, not knowing what, where or how, and definitely NOT speaking Chinese. NOT being in control of their lives.

A soothing anonymous fluent English speaking voice, yes, I understand. Perhaps you could go to ......

Just listening, not condemning. Suggesting. I might have time.

J.

Well, that is a few days of letting go !